Love addiction can mean so many different things to people. There is no set diagnosis for it, and no list of things you *must* have or do to have it. For those of us that know we are love addicts, think back to how hard it was to find out, and then come to terms with. We can’t truly recover if we deny our problem. Love addiction is just like everything else: it can’t to me. Oh, how wrong we are. The only way we can step out of our denial is to recognize, acknowledge, and accept that we are love addicts. Here are some things love addicts do (there are MANY more):
Obsessing: I think this is sort of a hallmark of love addiction. We constantly think about the other person, and never pay full attention to ourselves.
Fantasizing: This can go with obsession a lot of times. What happens with fantasizing is it can set us up for pain. We think about the world that we have this lover, how they ask us out, where we go, etc., and we become upset when their response doesn’t align with our fantasy.
Ignore red flags: the beginning of a relationship is always the most fun. There is so much to learn about and do with this exciting new person. Sometimes, we let irritations or warning signs slip by us because we assume that if we are together, nothing else really matters and it will get fixed. Always heed warning signs!
Taking their word: Nice words mean a lot to us, because we generally weren’t treated nicely in past relationships. We want to love this person so badly that we forgive their actions if they can talk their way out of it. Make sure they can walk their talk!
Being devastated by the end of the relationship: Obviously mourning a breakup is normal and something that everyone goes through. As love addicts, a breakup can upend our entire worlds. It throws us into a depression so deep that we feel unworthy and at our lowest when we feel that the person we love doesn’t return our affections.
These are just some of the ways that Love addiction can manifest in people. There are so many other ways, and the more you delve into it, the more layers you will ultimately find in yourself.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com [email protected] Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz. http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/ 30 minute strategy session with Sherry http://sherrygaba.com/product/30-minute-strategy-session-sherry-gaba/