He loves me, he loves me not?
The bigger question is: Why do I care so much?
Well the BIG Day—Valentine’s Day—has come and gone. This day of tension, caused by the painful and anxious feelings produced by your girly thoughts telling you that your lovability is going to be demonstrated by what your partner does or doesn’t do, is over for this year. A question to ask yourself, because you have total control over this one, is: Do you want to go through all this drama again next year?
If your answer is no, then this is a time of opportunity. Now, in the aftermath of Valentine’s Day, is your opportunity to learn about yourself, your needs, your wants, and how to take care of yourself. You know that Valentine’s Day was not a referendum on your:
- worthiness
- desirability
- beauty
Do we need to add to this—thank God?
So . . . How Did You Do?
How would you describe your Valentine’s Day? Was it a painful day because you listened to those society-prescribed girly thoughts that resulted in you:
- feeling defeated because you didn’t feel you had control?
- feeling anxious?
- holding your breath waiting for a text, email, call, gift?
- feeling a tinge of your self-worth hanging in the balance?
Or instead, were you able to kick those girly thoughts aside and:
- think self-loving thoughts?
- appreciate your beauty?
- smile instead of frown when you looked at your face?
- make this day special for yourself?
- laugh at all the hype?
And if you didn’t receive what you wanted, did you think, “It’s your loss, buddy”?
What Is Valentine’s Day, Anyway?
Valentine’s Day presents an opportunity to build resilience—that well of strength, of resources, of strategies that work within you—that helps you get through difficult times.
Looked at this way, Valentine’s Day can be a win/win. The day provides a window into your relationship with your partner. You learn about yourself and about building more resilience from the pressure and stress generated by this one day. It provides an opportunity to see if you have picked someone who can take care of your needs and your wants. It is also an opportunity to see how well you have done in communicating these same needs and wants to the one who loves you.
Please share your insights into Valentine’s Day with me by sending your comments through my website: www.patriciaogorman.com.
Since we’re talking about pain, look for a blog soon on Crying At Work . . .
You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my book The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power
Patricia A. O'Gorman, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice. She is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and amusing presentations that make complex issues accessible and even fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations across the country in preventative and clinical strategic planning. Dr. O'Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, and she has held positions ranging from director of a rape crisis center to clinical director of a child welfare agency, and director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). She is a veteran of numerous television appearances, including Good Morning America, Today, and AM Sunday and is the author of eight books including: The Girly Thoughts 10 Day Detox Plan (2014), The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (2013), and Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting (2012) 12 Steps to Self-Parenting.
