“This is who I am and look at me not being perfect! I’m proud of that.” —Kate Winslet
Girly thoughts are the way you internalize society’s messages about how you should look and should feel. They affect you on many levels, from the way you speak and write about yourself on Facebook and in emails and texts, to what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror.
Girly Thoughts’ Silent Impact
We can talk and talk about these negative messages and the toxic self-talk they foster, but sometimes words get in the way. Your girly thoughts are painful, and so are the ways you unconsciously try to change your body and your life to accommodate that toxic self talk.
Take two minutes and twenty-five seconds to watch this video of trainer and media sensation Cassey Ho illustrating how she tries to make her body and face perfect in response to negative comments about being fat.
What Would YOU Change?
Now have some fun. Write down three girly thoughts that came to mind as you watched this video, and then ask yourself if you:
- Feel you are fat? If so, where? How would you change this?
- Think your breasts are too small? Too large?
- Worry your bottom is too big or too small?
- Do you feel your eyes aren’t perfect? If so why? How would you change them?
Now imagine if you could change all those things you don’t like about your appearance. When you think about the changed you, how does this make you feel? Do you feel sad like Cassey does?
What to do? How about accepting who you are?
- Exercise your body and eat healthfully, and enjoy your body’s unique curves.
- Tell that girly thought that says your eyes are too small to take a hike.
- Enjoy the shape and size of your breasts.
Yes in this media age, self-acceptance is the ultimate rogue act—it says you don’t care about what they think! And you can have fun with sticking it to them and not playing along by feeling inadequate about yourself all the time.
Join Me—Next Stops:
- New York City, NY: May 17, 1:30 p.m. to 3:00 p.m. “The Big Apple: Leadership and Girly Thoughts.”
- Worchester, MA: June 11, 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. “Girly Thoughts and Addiction.”
- Lake Placid, NY: July 11, 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Book signing at Bookstore Plus.
You’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power
Patricia A. O'Gorman, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice. She is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and amusing presentations that make complex issues accessible and even fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations across the country in preventative and clinical strategic planning. Dr. O'Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, and she has held positions ranging from director of a rape crisis center to clinical director of a child welfare agency, and director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). She is a veteran of numerous television appearances, including Good Morning America, Today, and AM Sunday and is the author of eight books including: The Girly Thoughts 10 Day Detox Plan (2014), The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (2013), and Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting (2012) 12 Steps to Self-Parenting.