Longing for Connection? Think Sex, Dogs, and Babies, Not Girly Thoughts

June 12th, 2015 | Posted by Patricia O'Gorman, PhD in Body Image | Girly Thoughts | Health & Wellness | Sexuality | Women's Issues

The more you engage and connect, the more engagement and connections you will have. ―Loren Weisman


A common theme in psychotherapy sessions is connection. Women share that they want more connection, particularly with their intimate partners. But the way many women go about this is often self-defeating because they feel they need to fix some defective within themselves.

This is a toxic girly thought. The obnoxious way we women treatment ourselves deserves an obnoxious name.


The Source Is in You, Not in Your Girly Thoughts


But what if you already have something in you that allows you to feel an inner rush with another, something he also can feel? The good news is that you do. It’s in your hormones and in the hormones of that special someone: its name is oxytocin.


Yes, the same hormone that creates that inner warmth and potent connection you experience when you are having sex, nursing your baby, or petting a dog or cat can also help you connect with someone who you feel may be special, and it can help that person bond with you, too.


Don’t Waste Your Energy


Oxytocin is the connection hormone. So the next time you want to connect with someone you think is special, instead of using up your energy telling yourself you are not so desirable and he’ll never like you, think puppies, not girly thoughts.

Read how this approach of consciously using oxytocin is even working with our veterans at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center to create intimate bonds during healing: http://www.upworthy.com/the-therapy-dogs-at-walter-reed-are-not-magic-ok-maybe-a-little-bit?g=2&c=upw.





Remember, you’ll find more ideas for getting rid of your negative self-talk in my latest book, The Girly Thoughts 10-Day Detox Plan: The Resilient Woman’s Guide to Saying NO to Negative Self-Talk and YES to Personal Power.

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Patricia A. O'Gorman, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice. She is noted for her work on women, trauma, and substance abuse and for her warm, inspiring, and amusing presentations that make complex issues accessible and even fun. She has served as a consultant to organizations across the country in preventative and clinical strategic planning. Dr. O'Gorman is a cofounder of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, and she has held positions ranging from director of a rape crisis center to clinical director of a child welfare agency, and director of the division of prevention for the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). She is a veteran of numerous television appearances, including Good Morning America, Today, and AM Sunday and is the author of eight books including: The Girly Thoughts 10 Day Detox Plan (2014), The Resilient Woman: Mastering the 7 Steps to Personal Power (2013), and Healing Trauma Through Self-Parenting (2012) 12 Steps to Self-Parenting.

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