Whenever we get into a new romantic relationship, it’s natural for us to be infatuated and want to spend a lot of time with them. For those of us that are codependents or love addicts, we can become dangerously obsessed. The problem is that we don’t have anything to compare ourselves to, so we can’t see that it’s normal. That’s why we need to be able to recognize red flags. When we pay attention to the warnings, we can make sure that we don’t put ourselves into situations or relationships that are unsafe.
What are the red flags we have to look for then? Have any of your friends told you that you disappear whenever you have a partner? Do you become flaky and start missing out on things you normally wouldn’t have? Sometimes we become so obsessed that we forget about the other relationships in our lives. Relationships need to be nurtured to thrive, and a lot of times we can lose touch with close friends in the throes of a new relationship. You can look back to recent events, and ask if there are any important ones you’ve missed. What were you doing instead? Oftentimes we are afraid to upset the balance, so we will just go along with what our partner wants. If we look back and see we’ve missed important gatherings, it is probably a sign to take a step back and evaluate the amount of time you’re putting into relationships. Another red flag to look for has to do with how your time is being spent. Do you find yourself waiting around for your new partner? Are you choosing to spend time hoping they will call, rather than being out and doing fun things? This is a major red flag. The only person that we should be putting any part of our life on hold for is ourselves. Waiting around on the off chance that the other person will want to connect with you gives them the power. You allow them to dictate the terms of your relationship, and it turns you into a martyr because you feel
As though you’ve put so much aside for this person. We owe it to ourselves to live our lives, and not spend them waiting around for another person to show up. The person we are meant to be with will be able to join you on your journey, not stop you in your tracks.
These are some of the red flags to look out for when getting into a new relationship. It even can help to ask ourselves these questions in a relationship that’s not so new; taking inventory of things is never a bad idea.
The only way to overcome these red flags is to start noticing them. Pay attention to your body. I find that we often feel things in our gut or intuition that our brains don’t process, and tapping into those feelings can help us become aware of things we’d like to work on.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com [email protected]. Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz. http://sherrygaba.com/co-dependency-quiz/ 30 minute strategy session with Sherry http://sherrygaba.com/product/30-minute-strategy-session-sherry-gaba/